The Ringing Ten

清旬 466

Good morning, Principal, Teachers, Boys and Girls,

I'm Miss Yip from the Discipline Unit.

Now, imagine there was a person very similar to you. You looked alike, shared the same age, attended the same school, grew up together… What would happen? How would you feel?

Guess what? I don't have to imagine this because I have a twin sister. Her name is Joey. We've been best friends since we were in Mum's tummy. We look alike. A lot of people have tried distinguishing between us, like this: Oh, so you are taller than Joey, while Joey has a slimmer face... Ah, wait, so… are you… Joey or Angel? Basically, I've got used to being called the wrong name and responding without feeling awkward. This was somehow funny to me, but obviously, our comparison started with people highlighting our big similarities and tiny differences.

In general, we performed very similarly at school, so we managed to enter the same kindergarten, the same primary school and the same secondary school. It sounds cool, doesn't it? Yet, it used to be awful in certain ways.

Being too similar can be problematic. Three annoying 'Cs' naturally arise -- Comparison, Competition and Conflicts. Often unintentionally, others compared the two of us, and inevitably, we two compared our school results all the time -- after every single test and exam. Sometimes I performed better than her, sometimes it was the other way round, but most of the time, she was better at Chinese, while I was better at English.

In a Chinese exam in Form 3, she scored 20 marks higher than me! 20 marks! Excuse me? That was a lot! At that moment, I couldn't hold back my tears and began grumbling about it. Why could she gain such a high mark? That was unacceptable! Out of discontent, I even ignored her all day.

Our comparison carried on for years, and it wasn't limited to our studies. There was another unforgettable episode between us. In Form 5, I was chosen as the Head Prefect of our school. Hearing this news, Joey was discouraged and began seeing herself as the less brilliant twin. To be precise, she wasn't mad at me, but she was indeed mad at herself. She believed that the teachers liked me more, and that she was lagging behind me.

Up to this point, don't you all agree she shouldn't have thought in that way? This single matter couldn't define her value and ability! In the same year, she finally became an editor of the Press Committee of our school. She could work on school magazines, which was definitely her cup of tea. She could eventually focus on what she enjoys and excels at.

This experience prompted me to reflect on our sisterhood. Although we seemed to be very similar, we still had different strengths and weaknesses, and our differences led us on different paths even in the same school. Being more leader-like, I would probably be a better student leader than Joey. With a talent and passion for Chinese writing, she was better suited for being an editor. Similarly, when it comes to our studies, she's always better at Chinese, while I'm better at English. It was meaningless to get mad at her just because she performed better in a subject she's good at! More importantly, I had tried my best already! In that case, why should we keep comparing with each other? Why should we let all these devilish comparisons spark off conflicts that harmed our relationship?

Boys and girls, please don't get me wrong. I'm not telling you to give up on everything you're weaker at. What I mean is, don't be preoccupied by comparing yourself with your peers. Instead, compare with yourself -- Have you improved? Have you paid more effort? Have you built on your personal strengths and aimed even higher? Rather than comparing with others and getting frustrated, identify your own weakness and strive to overcome it.

Let me take myself as an example: To be honest, my English speaking isn't as good as my reading and writing, but I have higher expectations of myself as an English teacher. Therefore, I'm now joining a public speaking club to hone my speaking skills. Self-discipline in learning is important, so I set goals and urge myself to attend the club meetings regularly. This allows me to have more practice in public speaking.

Similarly, you can always strive for improvements, no matter how old you are. Figure out the weakness that you intend to work on. After that, set a goal for yourself. It can be short-term ones, say 2 weeks or 3 months, or long-term goals, like a year or more. Monitor your own performance from time to time. Don’t let comparisons affect your self-confidence and your relationships with others. Simply compare yourself today with yourself yesterday.

Believe me, you can do it!

Thank you, everyone.